Unbelievable Deals Await at Candlewood Suites Columbia-Ft. Jackson!
Okay, Here's the Messy Truth About Luxury (and the Wi-Fi Really SHOULD Have Worked!)
Alright, folks, buckle up, because this isn't one of those perfectly curated reviews. This is the raw, unfiltered, possibly slightly rant-y take on… well, let's just call it "The Place," shall we? Let’s dissect this luxury experience like a particularly delicious (and maybe overpriced) souffle.
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First Impressions are… well, they can be a real mixed bag, can't they?
Accessibility: Okay, big points here. They claimed to be accessible. And, you know what? They actually seemed to mean it! Wheelchair accessible ramps everywhere (though I did almost take out a small child on one, my bad!), and elevators that actually stopped on the right floors. That's a win in my book. Facilities for disabled guests? Tick, tick, tick. They even had Facilities for disabled guests, which is always a relief.
On-site accessible restaurants / lounges: I poked my nose into one. Seemed alright. The main issue with accessibility in any establishment tends to be "the people," and, honestly, that was a mixed bag everywhere.
Internet & Tech Woes: This is where things started to unravel a bit. Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! …Except it wasn't always free, and it certainly wasn't always working. I swear, I spent half my vacation wrestling with that blasted Wi-Fi. "Oh, you want to upload a picture of your meticulously arranged breakfast? HAHA!" And then, when I did get a signal, it was slower than a snail in molasses. Apparently, my room was positioned just out of range of the super wifi, which meant I had to go out of my room for stable connection. Internet [LAN] ? Didn’t see it. Didn't need it! The wifi was so unreliable! And the In-room safe box? Fine!
Cleanliness and Safety (and the COVID-19 Circus):
Okay, this is where they really tried. The Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, and the Professional-grade sanitizing services were evident. They had a very intense sanitizing of the tables between courses, which was almost too much. It made you feel like you were sitting in a hospital. The Rooms sanitized between stays? Probably. They went above and beyond to make you feel safe, which did, in a way, it seemed overkill. The Sanitized kitchen and tableware items were clearly a priority, and I appreciated the Hand sanitizer dispensers everywhere. I felt safer here than walking into my own grocery store. Staff trained in safety protocol? I reckon so. Everyone, and I mean everyone, was in masks. Mask fatigue is real, people! The Physical distancing of at least 1 meter (yeah, right…) was attempted, mostly. You know how it is.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking - The Gastronomic Gamble:
Let’s talk food, shall we? Because, honestly, that can make or break a vacation. They had everything. EVERYTHING. Restaurants galore, with every cuisine imaginable, from Asian cuisine in restaurant (surprisingly good) to your standard Western cuisine in restaurant fare. Breakfast [buffet] was a delightful, chaotic affair. Breakfast takeaway service, perfect for those late-night hunger pangs, was top-notch. But, you know… things weren't always perfect. One morning, I asked for Coffee/tea in restaurant. They gave me someone else's tea! But, hey, these things happen! And the Happy hour at the Poolside bar? A glorious balm to the soul after a day of, well, doing… stuff. The Room service [24-hour] was both a blessing and a curse. A blessing at 3 AM. A curse when the quality was, let's just say, inconsistent. The Snack bar was great for the simple things.
Things to Do & Ways to Relax - The Pursuit of Bliss (and Maybe a Bruise or Two):
Here's where I really have some stories. Spa? Oh, the spa. Body scrub, Body wrap, the whole shebang. I opted for the "Deep Tissue that Will Make You Wish You Were Dead, But in a Good Way" massage. Seriously, the therapist was amazing. And the Pool with view? Unbelievable. The Swimming pool [outdoor] was a real highlight. Stunning. The Fitness center? I swear, I saw the same guy working out every single day. He must live there. Sauna, Steamroom – the works. I felt utterly relaxed, which is what everyone wants by the pool.
Services and Conveniences - The Little Things (and the Big Prices):
Air conditioning in public area? Yep. Concierge? Always helpful, even if they did lead me astray once. (Cash withdrawal? Check. Currency exchange? Check. Doorman? Always there to open the door for me, even though I can open it myself). Daily housekeeping? Immaculate. They even folded my pajamas. That's just weird, but I did it anyway! They had Facilities for disabled guests, which is good and Car park [free of charge], I always appreciate. My only issue was that they made things too complicated. I had to write a whole essay to get a simple thing.
Available in all rooms: Ah, the essentials. Air conditioning, check (though it did develop a weird hum). Bathrobes? Soft and fluffy. Blackout curtains? Essential for sleeping off the previous night's excesses. Complimentary tea? Always welcome. Free bottled water? A lifesaver. Wi-Fi [free]… Well, you know.
My (Mostly) Positive and Slightly Rambling Verdict:
Look, it wasn't perfect. The Wi-Fi was a monster, and a few things got lost in the shuffle. BUT. Overall, I'd give "The Place" a thumbs-up. It was luxurious, yes. But it also had a real soul, a staff that genuinely seemed to care, and a swimming pool that could make a grumpy old man weep with joy. Was it worth the price? Mmmm… maybe. Depends how badly you need that deep-tissue massage. And that free Wi-Fi, of course.
Czech Krumlov's BEST Pension: Sebastian's Secret Revealed!
Okay, buckle up, buttercups, because this is going to be less "perfect online itinerary" and more "disastrous (but hopefully fun) vacation plan as told by a person who probably needs a nap." This is my attempt to wrangle some semblance of order out of a trip to the Candlewood Suites in Columbia, SC. And let's be honest, I have zero expectations.
My "Itinerary" (or, Adventures in Mild Discomfort and Questionable Life Choices)
Day 1: Arrival and the Crushing Weight of Laundry (Seriously, It's Always Laundry)
- 1:00 PM - "Arrival" (and the Unveiling of the Hotel Room): Okay, so the travel day was… well, let's just say the snacks didn't survive. Anyway, after what felt like approximately seventeen hours in a car, we finally roll into Candlewood Suites. The outside looks… promising. Clean lines, maybe? (This is before the existential dread sets in). Check-in? Smooth enough. You know, the usual pleasantries, the key card shuffle, the "Have a good stay!" Well, now I'm in the room… and I am immediately assessing the closet (judging is my hobby).
- 1:45 PM - The Laundry Predicament: Why is it always laundry? No matter how organized I try to be, the suitcase vomits its contents, and I end up with a pile of clothes that would shame Marie Kondo. Time to make the dreaded decision: the laundromat (shudder) or attempting the hotel's laundry facilities. (I'm going to go with the hotel's facilities… and prepare for a long, lonely afternoon)
- 3:00 PM - Exploring the Area? Maybe. I guess I should get out of the room. The hotel has a "fitness center". Pffft. Right now, the only thing I want to work out is my stress. Maybe later.
- 6:00 PM - Dinner Debacle: "Okay, where to eat? Maybe some local flavor". I have a list of restaurants and reviews, but it all seems overwhelming. I make a decision. I'm starving. Okay, let's see. Food that's not fast food. I'm going to need to check out that list. I'll be back with my thoughts later…
- 7:30 PM - Bedtime and the Battle with the Remote: Gotta wind down. I'm determined to watch a documentary, but the remote is determined to thwart my efforts. Why do hotel remotes always have twenty-seven buttons when you only need four? Sigh. This is going to be a long night.
Day 2: Ft. Jackson, and the Inner Child's Meltdown (Spoiler: It's Me)
- 9:00 AM - Breakfast (and the Quest for Decent Coffee): I'm usually a cereal and coffee person. I'm hoping there's more. I'm also really hoping the coffee isn't watered-down despair. Breakfast in the hotel, I suppose. I'll have to see.
- 10:00 AM - Ft. Jackson. I'm honestly not sure what I'm doing here, other than visiting a military relative. I've got my visitor's pass. I'll be nice and polite, even if I am mildly intimidated by all the… well, everything. This should be interesting. I'm suddenly struck with the thought of "What if I get in trouble?"
- 12:00 PM - Lunch (and the Reality of Reality): A quick bite near Ft. Jackson. Greasy spoon? Another chain restaurant? I'll try to make a good choice. You know, a salad, maybe. With a side of fries? Because I deserve it.
- 1:00 PM - The Grand Meltdown: Back in the room…I need a nap. Or maybe just to stare at the ceiling and contemplate the meaning of life.
- 6:00 PM - Dinner and the Attempt to Avoid Existential Dread: I have to figure out dinner. I would like something unique, but also easy, and cheap. I can always get the local food. I am not sure when I'll get around to eating, but I am here to eat.
- 8:00 PM - The Hotel Room Blues and Netflix Fatigue: Back at the hotel. I have been avoiding the outside world all day. I don't like people. I turn on the TV. Another documentary. It's not great. I feel alone. I have to learn to deal with the blues.
Day 3: Departure (and the Promise of Freedom)
- 9:00 AM - Breakfast. Repeat. Breakfast, because… well, that's what you do. And coffee. More coffee.
- 10:00 AM - Packing (or, the Art of the Last-Minute Scramble): Packing. Oh, the glorious struggle. This is the moment where I realize I've accumulated a mountain of stuff I didn't need. Will it all fit? Probably not. Will I be organized? Absolutely not.
- 11:00 AM - The Final Inspection (and the Panic Check): Did I forget anything? Phone? Wallet? Sanity? (Kidding… mostly). One last sweep of the room to ensure I am not leaving anything important. Or any embarrassing evidence of my stay.
- 12:00 PM - Check-Out (and the Sweet Taste of Independence): Smooth check-out. I can finally leave the hotel. I can finally go home…
Important Notes (Because I'm a Disaster):
- Flexibility is Key: This "itinerary" is a suggestion, people. Life happens. Schedules get blown. Embrace the chaos.
- Food is Life: I will eat. Regularly. This is a given. (If I don't eat, the crankiness will worsen.)
- The Pursuit of Coffee: I will find the best coffee in Columbia, SC. If it kills me.
- Embrace the Awkward: I'm not a travel blogger; this trip will be real.
- Laundry: I will try to conquer the laundry. Wish me luck.
- Self-Reflection: I will be more aware of my thoughts.
So, there you have it. My "plan." Wish me luck, I'm gonna need it. And if you see a bewildered-looking person wandering around Columbia, SC, looking lost and clutching a coffee, that's probably me. Come say hi! (But don't be surprised if I spontaneously start talking about the existential dread of hotel laundry.)
Escape to Paradise: Diamond Head Beach Resort Awaits in Fort Myers!
So, what *is* this even about? Like, what's the point?
Is this… *real* real? Or is it just all manufactured perfection?
Okay, but what about the *actual* stuff? Like, let's talk about…[Insert a random, semi-specific category here, like "My Coffee Addiction."]
Look, the bottom line is: Coffee = Life. Don't @ me.
Ok, what about [Another minor category, like "My thoughts on Social Media"]
Do you ever, like, make mistakes?
Is there anything, *anything*, you actually *do* well?
